there was and there was not a party

There was a party for not Alana Wilcox, who was not visiting Calgary and was not hanging out at the Kensington Pub yesterday. Ryan Fitzpatrick was not there. Neither of them were imported from Nova Scotia, which, contrary to popular belief, is not another country. Neither of them have red eyes either, but my camera does. A lot of people, in fact, were not there, including yours truly, who did not go home early to be alone with her computer.